Thursday, 6 October 2011

After Quarrel

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married
you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."


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Actual Experience

The woman applying for work in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for
the job.
Foreman: "Look Miss, have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"
Woman: "Well, as a matter of fact, yes! I've been divorced three times."


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Call The Doctor

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What
happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and pshhhhh! I
accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, then I had to call the doctor!"


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Professional Doctor

“Doctor” said the patient, “are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I once heard
of a doctor treating someone with pneumonia -- and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, that won't happen to me”, the doctor replied. “If I treat someone with
pneumonia he’ll die of pneumonia."


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Eat Properly

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left
ear and a banana in his right ear.
Man: "What's the matter with me?"
Doctor: "You're not eating properly."


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Very Bad News

Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."
Patient: "Well, you might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could be worse?! What's the very bad
news?"
Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."


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Surgeon

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid
we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves
inside you."
Patient: "Well, if that’s all, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

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